


The Cursed Compendium

by ferrisulich



Series: The Dagroth's Devouring [7]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work
Genre: Campaign Handout, Dagroth's Devouring, Except Cooler, F/F, Lordship of Talona, Recipe to kill a God included - Maybe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:40:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 69
Words: 10,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28326972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferrisulich/pseuds/ferrisulich
Summary: The grimoire of Magheda of Talona, the cursed Lord of disease and sickness, finally revealed to the eyes of the common folk. However, mortals may not be prepared for what they shall find in these pages... Its contents, detailing her life and unbecoming, are deeply intertwined with the strings of fates binding our adventurers. Pull too hard, and one might just snap.
Relationships: Magheda/Oisk
Series: The Dagroth's Devouring [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697272
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. The Cypher Spell (p1-2)

**Author's Note:**

> Titled chapters have been transcribed, numbered chapters still await transcription!

* * *

Only for the eyes

Of

The ALL seeing

* * *

This grimoire is the property of one,

Magheda of Talona.

The beholder of the book

Thee watcher of my words

Will know no answers

In these pages

My blood binds thy wood to speak to none

But to me.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to my lovely players! Hope this lives up to over a year of searching, scavenging, hiding, fighting and dying..! I couldn't have asked for better players <3


	2. A Gift and a Goodbye (p.3-4)

* * *

8th of Quarter Moon Rising - Year of the Unworthy

Mother gifted me this grimoire today. It is my fifteenth birthday, and mother will die on the morrow. The preparations are complete, including gifting me this book. It is tradition, she says. They will burn her grimoire with her body on the pyre. It is not knowledge I am to be privy to. The ancients say true pain is to go into things unprepared and unknowing. I am both, and I agree with these claims. Father says I can cry if I wish, but I do not. My people will be there. While I morn a mother, they will morn a Lord. And while my blood runs purple, they will morn no more. I will carry her death as I will carry my title, so I cannot cry. It is an honour, not a sacrifice. I must remind myself of that.

Father will carry out my duties until I come of age. Usually this would be prime time to en the line and take the lordship, but not many are willing to give up their years for the blessing of Talona. I was born for this. I did not have the choice to refuse. I will be expected to marry in the coming years. Until I can take my title, my main goal is to secure an heir… I don’t know if I can do such a thing. Carry a child I know will carry the same burden as I… I must and I will. When mother burns tomorrow, I won’t have a choice. I never have. But I cannot help but feel regret, in anticipation of the actions I know I will have to make. If I end the line, what will become of my people? The Dagroth is watching. I carry this burden so no one else needs to. My child will understand this, as I do.

* * *


	3. The Taste of Death (p.5)

* * *

12th Quarter Moon Rising - Year of the Unworthy

The pyre was a sight to see. I did not think mother would burn so bright. People came. People mourned. I did not cry. Now, my blood runs purple. It did not hurt. I was scared it might. Mother had said it didn’t, that you don’t even notice. I didn’t feel a thing, but when father cut my palm, I bled the blood of Talona, and people cheered. They cheer my demise.

* * *

21st Quarter Moon Rising- Year of the UNWORTHY

My lessons have continued with the tutors. I was given a week or so to grieve, and now we move onto poisons. Today, I learned about Silvertooth. It grows in the marshes around Atzar and if ingested, turns your blood white and heavy. The healer instructing me said that it’s so heavy it pools in your lungs and when you cough it up it paints your tongue white, hence the name. Apparently it tastes like buckwheat. I don’t know who tested it since it’s too fast acting for an antidote to be effective, bit I thought it was interesting information.

I wonder if it will hurt when I die. I couldn’t ask mother after the fact and they did not allow me to see her in the end, but I heard the screams from my room. I wonder if eating Silvertooth would be worse. I do like the taste of buckwheat.

* * *


	4. The Child Champion (p.6)

* * *

60th Quarter moon rising- Year of the unworthy.

Tomorrow is full moon, so I won’t be sleeping. The dead will rise to the occasion, visit us in our moment of weakness and tempt us. I wonder if mother will come. I wonder if she will weep for the child she left behind to die.

I hear the people are carving planters and tokens in my honour. I am, after all, fending off a god in their steed. I wonder if they believe the stories that Talona will come to me on Full Moon, and that I will fight her until the sun rises once more. I guess not, for who would leave a fifteen year old girl to fend off a god? Or is man so selfish that they would rather see a child die than to face Kelemvor themselves? I would not be surprised.

The time is nigh. Father will come for me soon. My servants have left me. These robes are too heavy. They had to hem the bottom because mother was taller. Aga tells me the purple makes my skin look lovely and I wonder if she, who nursed me and fed me as a child when mother would not, would stand between Talona and I tonight.

The people will come, father says, to see their new lord from the outer villages. Just to see me traipse around Atzar in my robes and jewels. But no one will step forth and take my place. No one will challenge my blood right. I will be locked in the cellar of the church all night, and none will free me. Would I even let them if they did? Mother left me only this.

* * *

A rune of protection, just in case the legends are true.

* * *


	5. Tears of Gold (p.7)

* * *

1st Full Moon - Year of the Unworthy

I write this in the forgotten language of the first ones that my mother taught best to teach me and that no one else but the forgotten know, for what I am about to write is both impossible, and cannot be seen by any eyes but my own. Why I write it at all is beyond me, but I cannot live with these words stuck inside.

She came. Talona.

I thought the legends untrue, but she came for me, in the darkest corner of the cellar, below the church, where I had cowered, hungry, cold and alone, in the dark. Because not even light may be bestowed upon the martyr of my people.

She came. And she cried.

I did not know that Gods cried tears of gold. She held me in her arms, flesh and warmth like mine, and asked me for forgiveness, staining my hair with sunlight. She was beautiful. She told me of Myrkul, of the souls she owes him. She told me of the curse, and of this same discussion which she had with my mother. She came to tell me what a good sacrifice she had made, how pleased the god of death had been with her soul. She looked at me, and deemed me worthy to die. Deemed me worhy a gift for her lover.

They unlocked the doors come morning, my father with the priests. I walked back through Atzar and its high spires, to the house on the edge of town. The people in the streets cheered the gold in my hair that I had always thought a mark given to the Lord by the priests, and wondered why mother had never told me.

But I knew, why. I knew the second the god took me into her arms, my god, and whelped gold.

I am not a gift.

And I will not bow to a god who sees me only as a sacrifice.

* * *


	6. Words of a Dying Woman (p.8)

* * *

I couldn’t sleep. I can’t sleep. It’s sometime past midnight, the moon tells me as much. The house feels… My room is… I just can’t.

I am outside now, in the big field behind the house. I write by the moonlight I did not get to see yesterday. It is so bright. I have always preferred night to day, the calm to the bustle. I like the loneliness, the the company of my mind and stars. It is beautiful in ways I cannot describe. There is just so much sky, and it is such a beautiful blue. I hope the man I take to has eyes blue like this. Then at least, I could palate such a loveless affair. Even father only married mother for these years and the title. He was too old even when they married to carry the title of Lord, but now he can, he is, and he does not die. Because it is my blood that runs violet. Perhaps then I should not marry a man with eyes so blue, but rather someone I will trust to lead my people after my demise, if it may not be avoided…

I shouldn’t write these words, I shouldn’t be thinking them. Yet, at worse, they will burn with me at thirty, and no one will ever know.

Maybe I can break the curse. Not by passing it on, but by truly freeing my people of a lovesick god who cares not for us. Maybe, that’s what my mother’s grimoire contained: her attempts.

If only she were here now. I could ask.

* * *


	7. To Fear My Name (p.9)

* * *

12th Full Moon - Year of the Unworthy. Or are We.

I have started my tour of the villages of the lordship. I should have done this right after my ascension, but due to the nearness to the full moon, it was postponed. I am glad it was. I am going into this much more prepared, much more aware. I know what these people, my people, do not.

Did mother know? Is that why she was always so cold? Because she knew the pointlessness of the fate she was leaving me to have? Did she try, as I am, to free us? Did she fail, and in death, not dare to see me and apologize?

I refuse to see another’s blood fall for Talona. I will bleed myself dry before that happens. The Gods will on day fear the name Magheda, for she bows and bears her neck for none. I will stand and stare down any who try to claim me a sacrifice. I have power no one expects, knowledge beyond the reaches of normal mortal men. I was born so I could die. I alone know what is means to defy that will of a god. And I will live, to tell my story.

* * *

17th Full Moon - Year of the Unworthy

We have seen Quatar and Nozbel, and now we travel West to see the farms in the Zulot region. Father stayed behind in Atzar but I am followed by a party of priests and guards. They worry for my safety, for god forbid I die before my time. I doubt anyone would try to kill me either. Without an heir, my murderer would have to burden my curse, bow to Talona. And if over thirty, his death would be swift, and his blood line, cursed in turn. For what? We hold no power, no supernatural skill. I hear the Lords of Talos can command lightning, call storm giants to their aid. The Lord of Loviatar can bring an orc to its knees without lifting a finger. But I? What can I do except wait for the fateful day I expire?

* * *


	8. The Reverence of a Stain (p.10)

\

* * *

26th Full Moon - Year of the Unworthy.

We travel south now, the Zulot region no more than a few farms and marsh lands. The people came out and clamoured for my attention. They live so far from Atzar, to travel for my ascension would have been fruitless. Moreover, the farmland there is the sole in the Lordship, to produce enough rice for export. Our main source of trade. To leave there lands unattended would have had a direct impact on the lordship’s economy. That is why it is I who must come to them.

Father told me as much before I left, that the goodwill of the farmers meant better relations with the other lordships. It pleases the Avenger for us to bond with the other Lords, he says. And even if we pray to Talona, our lives only truly belong to the Avenger.

I don’t know if I believe that anymore that I do in Talona. I’ve become disillusioned by gods. I have met one, and the fury that boiled in my purple blood was only too human.

They paint my hair gold when I go to meet with the villagers - the priests. They keep a small pot of powder in their trunk, and when comes the time for me to see the common folk, they pour it over my head. I think my scalp is permanently stained now. It refuses to completely wash out, no matter how hard I try.

But it works. The reverence a stained child receives from the people she will die for, never having had a choice. It’s so unfair. So damn unfair. I watch them all bow before me, kneeling as I did not for Talona, nd praise me, thank me, even though non would die for me. Why me? Why me. Why me…

* * *


	9. The Starving Plentiful (p.11-12)

* * *

42d Full Moon - Year of the Unworthy.

We have travelled to the last of the villages. We return to Atzar on the morrow. I thought I would miss the comfort of home, but have found the freedoms of travel rather fulfilling. Father says I might have to go to the other Lordships to meet potential suitors seeing as not all have the privilege of having an interim Lord lead in my place.

How lucky I am, to have my mother die indeed. Gosh, how will I ever reconvene with the likes of men and normal people who didn’t see their own mother burn on a pyre on their fifteenth birthday? A mystery to us all…

We saw Asmund today, a small fishing village on the edge of the marsh lands. They fish in these long canoes in the shallow waters with these great big nets. I tasted a U-lot today, one of the region’s delicacies and managed not to gag. I truly am growing into my title, as Ensworth would say. Bloody priest always breathing lectures down my neck.

I don’t feel like myself today. Maybe it’s the heat, perhaps progressive loss of faith in the ways of my people…

A young girl gave me this crude little drawing of a run she must have copied down from somewhere, though where I wouldn’t know. It’s a rune of plenty, what the shamans of the Firsts used to draw into their feeds with careful fire. It is meant to bring bountiful harvest and fertility. More belief than actual magic. I see that it is not only my mother who wants to see me wed by next full moon. Though maybe she simply was truly wishing for bountiful harvest…

These lands are unforgiving, meagre and wet. Ensworth tells me the year a new Lord bleeds blue, the land gives greatly to the people who keep with the ways of Talona. I don’t know if this is true, but perhaps I’ll look at the ledgers from those years. One good harvest every thirty years could simply be coincidence. And by which providence does Talona dictate the plentifulness of our land? She, geodes of sickness, bring healthy growth? Rather, she poisons it the rest of the time, to keep us starved, subservient… Weak. Hungry. To keep us under her thumb. In which case, I cannot discount the possibility that she might turn our fields to rot the second I cure myself of her curse, if I find myself capable…

She requires sacrifices. Would one person, every thirty years, offer themselves up? Voluntarily? If not born into this duty as I? She spoke of acceptable sacrifices. She spoke of appropriate souls. Who am I, or anyone, god or mortal, to decide the weight of a soul’s worth in gold?

No, there must be another way to end this slavery of my people without other lives being lost to a senseless god. I will go home, to Atzar. I will read through the ledgers. I will find a way.

* * *


	10. What is a God to a Girl (p.13)

* * *

53rd Full Moon - Year of the Unworthy.

The ledger corroborates the stories the villages and Ensworth said. Turnover and crop quality increase dramatically after the ascension of a new Lord, and decrease steadily for the next thirty years. I am not simply a symbol of hope to the people, I am the reason the Lordship hasn’t succumbed to hunger yet. Maybe dying for them wouldn’t be so bad… Perhaps I could barter with Talona, request a change to the curse if I agree to die sooner… Burn me tomorrow if it means saving my people from the wrath of a God scorned.

Barter… With a god? Stupid idea, child. Wishful thinking. Who is a girl to ask to die from a God?

WHO IS A GOD TO ASK A GIRL TO DIE FOR HER?

No. I don’t. To die is to leave them to the mercy of Talona. I might as well walk into the marshlands now and never look back. All the good that will do. I just… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to start.

1\. Not die at 30: find a cure or a curse breaker.

2\. Keep Talona from incurring her wrath on my people.

3\. Insure an heir that isn’t curse of perpetrates the boyish traditions of the lordship.

Easy. Next full moon, I’ll just fall to my knees and beg Talona to spare me. Mayhems Myrkul would prefer some flowers? Some chocolate? Rather than my BLOODY SOUL? Why can’t gods be content with our adoration? Our reverence? Why must they go around playing… God.

Oh. Yes okay, I understand now. I see. It is in their nature. Just as it is in mine to revolt, to refuse to kneel at their feet, immortal of not. What makes a god? What makes a man? What makes a girl? Mother did you wonder? Was your own grimoire filled the same? Pages and pages of revolt, and anger? Mother?

* * *


	11. Ishmarum Achiasis (p.14)

* * *

Ishmarum Achiasis

Common name: Lord’s blood, the flower of Talona, the Lord’s flower

Use: poison

Here I thought it might have some actual useful properties, what with the name. Maybe a clue or a lead in my search for an out of my current situation. But just like everything branded Talona, it’s fake, misleading, and pointless. Though it is the most potent, and untraceable, poison in all of the Penninsulas, so who knows. It might come in handy when I’ll meet with my prospective suitors in the coming months.

If it was up to the priests, I’d already be carrying an heir for the Lordship. Thankfully, father isn’t as hellbent on seeing me married as them. Though perhaps he just wants to hold onto the title of Lord a little longer… He can have it. He can die for it. If he’s willing.

* * *


	12. Illana (p.15-16)

* * *

27th Quarter Moon Setting - Year of the Unworthy.

It has been a while since eI have written, perhaps because I didn’t feel I’d found anything of enough significance to write… My search for a cure or counter curse to a divine ailment has reaches an impasse. Though the lords of Talona are well known for their medical knowledge, I am still only in the preliminary stages of my apprenticeship with the Keepers of Talona’s library. I keep thinking I’ve found something substantial, only to learnt the next day it is useless to me predicament. I’m starting to think they are hiding from me any easy solutions, or even difficult avenues of research. Perhaps Talona is in league with the Keepers to keep me in line. She must know what I plan… If it her magic that binds this book, my life. My insurgent thoughts are safe nowhere, but to abandon now would be just a fruitless…

Father has been adamant I at least start looking for a suitor. I’ve received letters from sons of a few lordships. I haven’t had the chance to travel beyond the Lordship before now. My tutelage alongside mother was too important and time sensitive for us to wait. I don’t have the leisure to traipse about looking for a lover, but it seems it is my duty. Father, as always, is ready to see me leave so her may take up the title of Lord without interference.

The priests accompany me again, though Ensworth apparently fell ill right before our departure. I think he is simply too cowardly to spend months fielding my questions about archaic traditions of Talona. Instead, a young apprentice name Illana has joined my wedding party - as I like to call them. She is much nicer than the other priests, and actually seems not to detest my company. She has joined me on a few excursions for sample collection (which she calls flower picking but whatever).

We travel to the Lordship of Bhaal first, though, only to give our congratulations to the newest lord. Why I am to congratulate him on murdering a whole bloodline is beyond me, but father insists on inter-lordship hand holding. I shall start crafting friendship bracelets the second I don’t have to die for this damn cause anymore…

I am suppose to travel to the Bad Lands at the end of my tour, for the meeting of the Devout. I don’t particularly want to , but again, duty. I told Illa as much, and she made a pretty little frown, her lips puckering with disapproval. Her eyes are blue like the mid-day skies. I see them at night, in my mind’s eye, when I’m trying to fall asleep. I wonder what her puckered lips would feel like…

* * *


	13. Phantom's Touch (p.17)

* * *

Phantom’s Touch

Components:

\- Baby’s breath

\- Fresh water

\- A virgin tear

\- A loving momento

Incantation:

Softest of touches

Kindest of nights

Bestow upon me

The memory of mine

Let time

Become

Essensless

Let mine

Become it’s own again

May its touch be endless

May where become when

Note: the moment relived is not necessarily a good one. Though the components suggest a loving moment, any bobble will do, but the effect twill be much less pleasant.

X ~~died golden tears~~

X ~~ritual dress of Full moon~~

X ~~rice confetti from festival~~

\- Button from Illa’s tunic

* * *

Why is my face so pale

When yours glows

Why are my eyes so sad

When yours laugh

Does my smile

Make your heart

Flutter as yours

Does mine?

* * *


	14. To Live a Little (p.18)

* * *

42d Quarter Moon Setting - Year of the Unworthy.

We reach Bhaal in the next few days. My small oparty and I had stopped at an inn on the large merchant road running between the lordships. It was rather busy, so Illa and I are sharing a room. The priests were rather tired so they gave me coin to order dinner, and left. Illa retired earlier, and I was left alone.

A fine gentlemen asks if I had ever tried ale, and when I said no, he insisted on buying me a pint. Kind old man, because I only had the coin for a meal, and no one had offered me a drink before. Who am I, if I am to die, if not someone who is to live a little?

It’s disgusting, but it made me all kinds fo warm. The man then tried to take me to his room and I blasted his hand with so much magic his finger fell off from the gangrene. Fool. At least I got a few drinks out of it. Did he think me naive because of my age? I guess we are too far from Talona for my face to remind others of my fate. They all look at me with something between pity and reverence.

Except Illa. She smiles when I make fun of the other priests behind their backs. She frowns when I tell her I care not for taking a husband. Such pretty lips. She frowns in her sleep. I can see her now. I could kiss her, and no one would ever know. Just a brush, just a peck. Just to know what it feels like.

I think I might just…

* * *


	15. One Fate (p.19-20)

* * *

3rd Quarter Sun Rising- Year of the Unworthy.

Bhall was a dreadful bore. Also, morally questionable. Then again, I come form a Lordship where someone is sacrificed every thirty years to appease an evil goddess who gifts our souls to her lover, the god of death. So really, who am I to talk?

They displayed the heads of the last Lord and her family on stakes outside the city walls. She was just a child. The new Lord has a wife and a toddler already. But traditions demands an inordinate amount of heirs in Bhaal, so I expect many more to come. I spoke with the wife, briefly. She wishes for a daughter. I didn’t have the heart to tell her the sexist laws and customs of her lordship would do no good to any daughter of hers. So I smiled, and bowed, and said “How lovely. I’m sure you will” but in my mind I was dreading the very idea of coupling in the name of procreation, the taste of Illa’s lips still fresh on mine.

It is practice to only bear one child in Talona’s lord family. Wouldn’t want dear Talona to have to choose sacrifice, or take two…

I fear I will anger her. I fear she will hurt the land. My life, I have already mourned. But the people I protect don’t deserve the fall of my hubris…

We left Bhaal not long after arriving. We gave the customary congratulations, some gists, missives from my father, and stayed for the feast. Then, we left with little fanfare. After all that was said of inter-lordship unity. I will not be fooled into thinking Bhaal believes us equal. They have a military force roughly the size of the whole of Talona. They live surrounded by bountiful fields. They have no need to trade with us. We have nothing to give them except the renewed appearance of devoutness. We all follow the Avenger, so we must all get along. We fight as one Front against the Isles.

One force.

One Fate.

* * *


	16. Devil's Tongue (p.21-22)

* * *

Devil’s Tongue (infernous lingus)

Use: poison/remedy (when steeped)

One of the priests got bit by a Moon Viper last night. We found him seizing and foaming at the mouth in the bedroll this morning. The fool probably thought it a harmless beasts and then Kelemvor came knocking. It’s not a painless death either… Illa had a fit when I said little could be done (should have sent a keeper with us, Father. Now a man’s life is a stake). Good thing he was young, fit. The poison had not yet consumed him.

Devil’s tongue grows around these parts. Poisonous to the touch, causing hives. Deadly if eaten. Steaped, however, in small enough concentration, it can counteract a Moon Viper’s venom.

I force fed the priest the tincture. We now wait. Illa hugged me, and I wanted to kiss her, but she rushed to the man’s side, and suddenly I didn’t feel like saving his life as much.

* * *


	17. A Fool of Misfortune (p.23)

* * *

21st Quarter Sun Rising - Year of the Unworthy

We travel to Uzgat next, capital of the Lordship of Beshaba. Their eldest son is my age, and seeing as only women can inherit the title there, he is nothing more than a political pawn. Rejoice? Should I? At the prospect of a potential husband? Give my hadn’t to the highest bidder for all I care. Give him my body, my heir, my curse, in exchange for enough money to uphold trade routes for the next thirty or so years. At this point, it is all I am worth…

Illa, Illa, Illa. My infatuation cannot cave me, not with the way she looks at Jurgun, the priest who got bit.

I should have know. With all my luck, the son of the Goddess of misfortune might as well be foretold. Ring the bells, call the saints. The my maiden head stain the streets. A new heir is born to Talona. A new sacrifice. The cycle continues. Always. Unendingly. Perpetual. Gods take pity on my child, unborn and already sentences to death… What good am I? The clock ticks down my fifteen years, and all I’ve accomplished in the last three seasons was to be distracted by a girl who doesn’t want me, and that I cannot have.

I am a fool.

* * *


	18. A Lover's Embrace (p.24)

* * *

A lover’s embrace

\- Marigold

\- Dried lavender (steeped)

\- Rose water

\- A pearl

\- A virgin tear

\- A piece of lace (2”)

\- Azaleas

Tincture to be steeped and bound by the words: “Amouras fidelitas momentis”

Charms the drinker into falling in love with the caster as long as the potion stays in their system.*

*Note: deadly in high doses

* * *


	19. To Kill a God (p.25-26)

* * *

42d Quarter Sun Rising - Year of the Unworthy

Uzgat, Beshaba. I need to get my things in order. MY thoughts in line. Too long was I disillusioned by the fake possibility of happiness. The mirage of Illa has dissipated and I am left with nothing but the bitter cold. I should never have let myself stray from the path I have chosen. To defy my destiny is one thing, to rewrite it, is asking for disappointment.

I sent Illa home, along with her lover. The sight was too much to bare so I wrote to father that the boy needed to recover, and should ba accompanied on his return trip. Now it is only I and the old bitter priest who cannot disappoint me.

I asked father to send a keeper in their steed, my teachings having lagged too much during my travels. I have fifteen years to uncover what the immortals have tried to hide from us. Every day spent dreaming of lips and frowns is a day closer to a useless sacrifice. I refuse to seal the fate of my people so…

In other news, Uzgat proved more welcoming than Bhaal. The son of the Lord was almost palatable and a true treasure trove of knowledge regarding the weapons culture of the city. I asked if her know of a weapon to kill a god, and he had the decency to look afraid. I am not. If I cannot break this curse, if I cannot barter with Talona, I will have no choice.

* * *


	20. 10801 (p.27-28)

* * *

1st\- Full Sun- Year of the Disgraceful

I am a fool. For this pain. This destiny of mine. I am a fool. I am a fool. Chasing shadows. Chasing a god. A fool. A fool in love with the idea of dying a death that means more that any death means. But making sense of loss is… Impossible. End is absurdity... I’m going to die anyway. And yet I insist on deluding myself that I can avoid it, or at least, that it will mean something… Anything.

I am a fool is what I am. I am fool. A lost fool. Deliver me now Talona for what is years knowing it will all end? Why did you give me time knowing I would be haunted by destiny, by this unending deadline? A ticking clock counting down the days.

10800 days.

That is how many you’ve given me. Of those 10800, I only have lived 5632. I don’t remember all of them. I barely remember most. At least two thousand I spent with the keepers, studying my legacy. It has been almost 100 since I’ve last seen Atzar. And I just spent one day being courted by a man I will never love. I don’t want to count, but I don’t want to waste any of these few days.

I guess it’s unfair, seeing as everyone will also die. Most, I’d wager, would kill to know how many days they have left. I know, but it’s a double-edged sword. I spend every waking moment counting. My days left down to the seconds. My miles from home. Can I both yearn, for a home which awaits me with cold dead hands, and fear ever setting my gaze on the spire of Atzar again? Is this what living is? Being relentlessly tugged every which way? If so, it’s a wretched existence. And still… There is little I would not give for just a few more days. Just one.

10801.

* * *


	21. Magheda's Keeper (p.29-30)

* * *

13th\- Full Sun – Year of the Disgraceful

Father has finally sent the keeper I requested. Particularly one with an extensive knowledge of plants and animals and their pertinence to magic. Waiting for the keeper in the lordship of Beshaba has caused significant delays and forced me to entertain the lord’s son to my wits end. The boy, though somewhat intelligent, lacks any and all awareness of those around him. I appreciate his dedication to his blades, but my disinterest in his. Other. Weapons. Didn’t seem to get across. This one didn’t lose any fingers… Again, inner lordship relations and so on… but I did lace his tea with enough of a strong poison to leave him incapacitate for the reminder of our stay. He’ll be fine in a few days, and no one here apart perhaps the keeper would ever be able to trace it back to me. Truthfully, the boy should be thankful it was a mild poison and not a blast of necrotic magic. Though I believe Father might not be of the same opinion if he came to hear. Thankfully, he’s so busy ruling in my steed that he could barely spare the time to arrange for my tutor… I wonder what keeps him so busy…

In other news, Talsin, the keeper, has a beautiful fire fox named Tor who took a shine to me. Perhaps they shall prove better company that Illa and her priestly friend did. Gods know my last remaining religious supervisor, Ekarth, looks about ready to throw in the towel. Apparently asking about the past lord’s prayer styles is inappropriate use of his time. Here’s to hoping Talsin can keep me busy. I’ve started to wallow when my mind grows quiet.

* * *

Sigil of quiet mindedness


	22. The Taste of Freedom (p.31-32)

* * *

34th\- Full Sun – Year of the Disgraceful

Talsin and Tor have proven both useful and resourceful. Considering the bore Modaha’s current eligible bachelor turned out to be, traipsing the rooftop gardens looking for specimens and avoid the over eager boy. I don’t even remember his name. I think it rhymed with Ashmarum Tediscious. In In any case, the city is now far behind us and I may once more set myself to more promising avenues of investigation. Talsin said Mask has extensive libraries. I aspire.

* * *

57th \- Full Sun – Year of the Disgraceful

Ekarth looks ready to drop and Father hasn’t answered my missive in over a fortnight. If my religious advisor dies before a replacement arrives, I cannot be held accountable for my actions. Particularly not with the very pretty handmaiden who’s been assigned to tend to me in Mask. I do not delude myself to think she does not report my every move back to the Lord, but I doubt she includes the lingering brushed and slipping fingers in her summary of my coming and goings. Not that there are many. 10 live exclusively between my room and the library. I could not ask for more.

* * *

12th\- Quarter Sun Setting – Year of the Disgraceful

I think Talsin suspects I’m poisoning Ekarth. Which considering my track record, is not exactly out of the question, but underestimated my skills. If I wanted him dead, he’d already be, not coughing up a storm in the Mask infirmary. I told Talsin as much and they seemed actually convinced.Have I found an ally? Considering Father has yet to answer me and we are due to leave the lordship by the end of the week, I feel I may need one. 

* * *

27th\- Quarter Sun Setting – Year of the Disgraceful

I’ve received word form Father. He simply stated that he’s added Talos to my tour, and that he would attend the Avenger’s gathering in my sted for I wouldn’t make it back on time. He said naught about sending another priest and seeing as Ekarth is dead, I am now left in the care of begrudging hospitality, and an herbalist with a wild fox as a pet. Had I not been gifted with the mystical arts I might have been worried for my safety. As is, I kissed Kara, the maid, and made off with Talsin and the first taste of freedom I’ve wrestled from fews wretched life. Freedom tastes of Kara.

* * *


	23. Respect the Nature of Things (p.33-34)

* * *

60th\- Quarter Sun Setting – Year of the Disgraceful

Why is it, that here, among the plains south of the Front, I’ve felt more in control of my destiny than when I stood before my god, hair stained by her golden tears? Why do I not care that my father is usurping my birth right when my blood should boil and demand retribution? Why is it that I crave home, yet only in memory? The nostalgia is sweet, so much sweeter than my own bed and army of priest and keepers. Talsin has been teaching me far ahead of the planned curriculum, but my avid hunger for understanding only seems to excite them. They say I’m far beyond my age, both in maturity and in intelligence, and I let my ego be stroked because they are the only person I’ve come to trust not to be using me for my title.

* * *

Tapis Werevenum, Icaliope Mistifus, Gingras Veneremous, Sapis Askterium, Magameis Colis, Sapis Bonur

* * *

I sear only to use the knowledge imparted to me for the good and wellbeing of those in my care. I will respect the nature of things.

Magheda of Talona. Oath.

* * *

Am I allowed these moments? Of… happiness? Am I allowed. No. Owed? With every smile, guilt pools in my gut, knowing my fate is not my own. Yet, I could spend the next 15 years traipsing the world with Talsin and Tor and give over my soul to Talona with little regret. Maybe I could do that…. live so…. Free. If only for a little. Talsin still as so much to teach me. They made me take a vow today, a herbalist thing. I think Ekarth’s death still weighs on them. They teach me remedies and cures. We only look at poisons in terms of curing them. I am endeared they care so much for my moral integrity. I do not.

* * *


	24. Eyelashes Like Candles Wicks (p.35-36)

* * *

8th – Quarter Moon Rising – Year of the Disgraceful

It’s my 16th birthday today. I didn’t really expect to celebrate it aboard a ship on my way to the lordship of Umberlee. I heard Thimodua is quite beautiful, ocean-side and wind-swept. Yet, I already miss the plains and fields. I hate boats and have been sick since the I first stepped on this blasted ship. Talsin only laughs at my misery… Though they concocted a ginger and mash pot tincture which settled my stomach quite promptly. Not that I account on leaving my cabin any time soon, even if cured of this sea sickness. I don’t feel like seeing the sun today. I even snuffed out the lamp. I write this using a faint witch light I’ve learned to conjure based on some text I copied from Mask. Studying these spells is more tiresome than biology, but diversity is key if I am to… Well.

Every time I see fire, I see mother burning. Her hair set aflame so quickly, her eyelashes like candles wicks. I try not to think about it, but even sunlight reminds me of the brightest centers of the flames that consumed her. I barely knew her. Father was twice her age when they married. She had already born me by her 16th birthday. And here I am, unwed, unwilling, running from my responsibility under the guise of tutelage. How much longer can I pretend I’m searching for answers when I know I’m just running. If I cannot cure this curse, might I at least be a half decent lord?

Father has stopped answering me again. Though perhaps the hawks have a harder time finding a moving ship. Last I heard the dealings with the Avenger had gone well. I wonder if my absence was questioned. Though Father indeed has full power as long as I remain away and unfit… I think he relishes it. The power. Why else would he have married a girl born to die. I wonder if he will relinquish the power gracefully once the time has come. There is no date, no time. I don’t know if I get to decide. I’m not sure I want to decide.

* * *

Talsin slipped this under my door earlier, and Tor scratched the frame. I’m not sure if it is a joke or a true wish, but either way it’s more affection and attention I’ve ever had. It’s more than I deserve.

* * *

Rure of longevity

* * *


	25. Root Rot (p.37-38)

* * *

23rd – Quarter Moon Rising – Year of the Disgraceful

Blasted ships. Always. Ships. Our delays in Beshaba and Mask have cost us dearly. Bless Talsin who kept an eye on the date because I would have watched Full moon come and go and stayed in the frigid winds of Thimodua without a second thought. Had a priests been here, they would have had a row. Thankfully, Talsin has not only my moral integrity in hand, but also my religious responsibility.

We stayed in Umberlee a grand total of three days. Enough to hand my thanks and respect to the ancient lord who’s somehow not kneeled over yet and cure the case of sniffles one of his granddaughters had caught, winning me the awe of all. Ridiculous, considering the simplicity of the tincture. Talsin looked proud though. When they explained our predicament about returning to Atzar by the Full moon they gladly chartered us their fastest ship and saw us off, making us promise to return as soon as my duties were fulfilled. Apparently, their sister lordship has an equally gifted young lady who’s been avidly studying cures and remedies. I did not see fit to point out my interest rather lied in poisons and curses. Talsin seemed pleased. They said a friend would do me good. I said I had them, and Tor. Who else do I need? They didn’t look me in the eye, but most people find that difficult, and said I needed roots. Traveling is nice, but everyone needs somewhere to return to, somewhere to call home and where someone awaits with open arms.

They didn’t pretend Atzar was my home anymore, and I didn’t correct them. In a way, they’re right. The only place I can truly return to is a cold basement beneath a church. My roots are the arms of a god who will steal my soul come my 30th birthday. I’m not quite sure what other roots I could have, or ask for. If I could I’d stay on the road with Talsin, learning about botany, until my legs fell off. If my roots are a destiny I cannot escape, maybe I don’t want them.

I asked Talsin if they had any roots, and knew in the way they wouldn’t meet my eyes, avoided rather than struggled, that they did. More than Tor, Talsin belongs to someone who is not me and I understood that jealousy was not only reserved for pretty priestesses with loving frowns and chaste lips. Jealousy was also attachments beyond romantic. Things – people — I didn’t even know I had decided were mine until I realized I was not allowed to stake a claim on something alive. Are those roots, then? A binding stronger than the… than what? I have nothing. I am Talsin’s charge. Their job. To call them my friend would be to delude myself.

Fool. Magheda, always the fool. Talsin returns not to Atzar for you. I wonder if they will elect to come again after Full Moon, or if I will have to order it. I wonder if, for me, there is a difference. More than a lord… I am a weight. A curse.

* * *


	26. Drowning in the Arms of a Mother (p.39)

* * *

Full Moon – Year of the Disgraceful

Talsin and Tor left me at the docks of the city. The priests were there with my robes and we rode to Atzar, my hair still soaked with sun and salt, my body bound in the purple fabric. The hem was too sort now, but there was no time to fix it. I reached Atzar at dusk and Father, who I hadn’t seen in months embraced me for the crowds, quiet in my ear. I almost wanted him to scold me, to yell. But he didn’t. I doubt he cared.

The church was packed and I was paraded around, and I searched for Talsin in the crowed even though I knew they wouldn’t be there. I saw Illa. I recognized her sky-blue eyes as they followed me to the Altar. I still see them, sometimes, when I close my eyes.

Freedom tastes of Kara, and Illa tastes of taboo. I don’t know which is sweeter. I didn’t have time to decide. Talona was waiting for me when I arrived. She chided me on the lateness. As a mother would. She sat me down, asked of my travels. She asked about the boy in Beshaba, the one from Mask. She asked if I enjoyed travelling. She cradled me to her chest and apologized again, and again. She said I had grown. That I would need new robes.

I felt like I was drowning.

* * *


	27. A Person Who Destroys (p.40)

* * *

There’s a place East of Uzgat, on the road to Lugdush, just on the boarder of the Mask Lordship. Talsin knew the way and they led me off the road. We actually had to leave the horses behind at one point as we ventured into the thicket. The forest gets so dense you think it’s boxing you in. Then, right when it feels like you’re about to choke, the trees part and the sun breaks through the canopy, and a waterfall comes into view. The sunlight is like honey on the crystalline water, the trees like green jewels. The air tastes like wild flowers and smells of rain. The mist from the falls covers everything in droplets like diamonds. Everything glitters like gold. Talsin told me there are places like this hidden everywhere in the world, as long as you know where to look. They said, these secrets are kept by the people who know them, and shared only carefully, because someday, someone who doesn’t mean well will hear, come, and destroy the place, ruining it for everyone. I’m sure they meant it as a lesson, but I understood it as a warning. Don’t become a person who destroys.

* * *


	28. Of Immortal Ashes (p.41)

* * *

I wanted to hurt her then. I wanted to kill her. Talona cradled me to her chest and I squeezed the ceremonial knife in my robes, coated in my purple blood from where it had poured onto the altar, and I thought about thrusting it into her chest. Legends say the gods are immortal, that they are made of more than mortals, made of things beyong our comprehension, and this means they cannot die as humans die. But I wonder if anyone’s ever tried before, if anyone’s just stabbed a god. I wonder if they also bleed gold.

I’ve wanted to inflict pain before. I’ve wanted to harm, to main, I’ve poisoned. But in that moment, I wanted to do nothing less than kill her. I wanted to stab her and feel her blood, not mine, running down in the hilt of my knife. I wanted, for when the priests came to fetch me once dawn broke, for my hands to be stained gold instead of my hair. I wanted to see her suffer. Grovel. I wanted to see pain etched into her features. I wanted to see her eyelashes alight with fire. I wanted to see her burn, the flames licking her flesh until the immortal had all burned away and nothing was left but ashes. I wanted her to feel mother’s pain.

* * *


	29. let it be me (p.42)

* * *

But all I could hear was Talsin’s voice and all I could see was Illa’s eyes as blue as the sky reflected in the waterfall. I thought of Kara from whom I had stolen that kiss, just as I left, like a secret I didn’t deserve. I thought about roots and where I would go once the priests released me from the cellar, and Talona from her embrace. My roots had burned up with my mother that day on the pyre and I have since been untethered, free floating along winds I had no control over. I did not want to come back to Atzar. I did not want to face Talona. Yet there I stood in her arms. I wanted to destroy her, but I did not want to be a destroyer. I have been so filled with anger and resentment that I have never noticed the fear in Illa’s eyes, the worry in Talsin’s words. They fear me, and what I might become.

I fear what I might become.

But I am faced with two options. Kneel and die. Or fight. I do not wish to become a destroyer, but if someone must, so others may still find hidden waterfalls and love. Let it be me. I am rootless. Let it be me.

* * *


	30. A Mother's Gift (p.43)

* * *

12th Full Moon – Year of the Disgraceful

  
I wasn’t sure until a few days after Full moon, but now I am certain. Once she released me and golden tears dotted my temples, Talona asked if there was anything she could do for me, like a mother seeing off a child on a long trip. I’d made up my mind then. I still don’t know if she suspects my actual plan, though it would seem she has some knowledge of my actions… And yet she agreed to my demands.

I asked for power. I already had some knowledge, a blood-given ability passed down from my father’s side which I have been honing on occasion when I find an interesting text, but I knew mother has once been able to raise the dead to do her bidding and I yearned for something similar. Talona told me I was still young for such powers, but I told her of my trips, and the dangers, of the man at the bar once. I told her she could not possibly wish my soul to be gifted to early.

And now, I can feel every living being for 60 feet around me, like glowing presences at the edge of my awareness. I can inflict nauseating wounds with a single tough. I can even heal myself. I could curse someone if I truly desired. She’s given me so much, this power like a bottomless well inside me, at my disposal. It is not limitless, of course and Talona said she would wait and watch me grown before bestowing more but -

* * *


	31. What I Will Become (p.46)

* * *

33th Full Moon – Disgraceful

I tore up the last page and rewrote the ruins. The words I’d laid were… Not the ones I wish to remember. I understand it now though, the rush, the ease. Months with Talsin and I am still limited by which ingredients I have on hand, were minutes with Talona and her sigil grants me power beyond that of any poison. I got carried away. I got careless.

I wanted to show my Father. I wanted… There’s a lot of things I want which he cannot provide. He saw my power, and he was horrified. He fears me. I know it. I could see his hand shake, the tea cup he held clinking against the saucer. The blood drained from his face and he asked what else I could do, how I’d come across these powers. I didn’t tell him about Talona, or even how I could taste his magic like honey in the air. I told him Ekarth had thought me, before he died. Taught from books, not gifted. Father calmed, though only fractionally. He told me I was to leave for Talos as soon as possible. I asked if he was going to send more priests but he said no. Only the keeper. I am only to be instructed in the natural. I know he wants me away as much as possible, but now it is more than greed. Powerful wizard, he fears too. What I will become.

* * *


	32. Varinas Echetiam (p.47)

* * *

Varinas Echetiam

Common Name: Blood cherries

Use: Poison

Know antidote: tincture of white crab-grass and steeped agovaras rinds administered no later than two hours after ingestion.

These look exactly like winter cherries if the stem is not attached or rather, to the untrained eye. I found some amongst the pact rations I was given for my return journey from Atzar to the port city. Possibly a deadly mistake from a kitchen maid, or a poorly planned out assassination attempt. I do find myself intrigued by the second prospect… A year ago, I would have freely given away this curse. Now… I wonder who wants me dead bad enough to risk their own life.

* * *


	33. Blood Rusted Inevitable (p.48)

* * *

47th – Quarter Moon Setting – Year of the disgraceful

I kept the knife. I sleep with it, tucked beneath my pillow. I haven’t washed it, and my blood has dried on the blade. I am waiting for it to rust. I carry it in a small scabbard at my hip during the day. Talsin hasn’t asked about it, and since I have another knife I use for taking cutting, he has no reason to. The knife is only for me.

The priests didn’t ask for it back after the full Moon, and Father had to leave Talona not even a month later. We arrived in Talos late last night. Talsin said they were tired and retired earlier. I was again, left to my own devices. They didn’t mention anything, but I could read the regret on Talsin’s face the second I saw them again in the port city. They have roots, something I will never know, but coming with me is pulling at them. They haven’t said as much, but I asked around in Atzar. They have a wife. They’re expecting a child soon. Which means she got pregnant right before Talsin joined me. It was Father’s decision, so I should feel no guilt… But I look at this blood rusted blade, and I wonder if I made the right decision asking for power instead of striking Talona. Who am I destroying by delaying the inevitable?

* * *


	34. Oisk (p.49-50)

* * *

12th Quarter Sun rising – Year of the disgraceful

I have met… Well perhaps meet is a strong word. I have made the word’s shortest acquaintance with the young daughter of the Lord of Talos, the one the Lord last said I might get along with? The one who inadvertently caused the whole issue about roots with Talsin? Her.

I say young but she has a few years on me, in fact she is to begin an apprentice with a widely renowned alchemist in the coming weeks. I asked Talsin about this alchemist, and once they dropped the grimace, they did admit the woman in question was one of great talent, if of disreputable repute. I asked as to why, but Talsin only fed me another lecture as to the proper nature of things, and the danger of messing with such forces… Needless to say I haven’t mentioned my newfound powers to them…

In any case, there wouldn’t be the time, I only just met the daughter of the lord over dinner before she disappeared to pack. Still the length of a single conversation and I guess I see what the Lord was hinting at. We both clearly harbor an interest in medicine of the arcane type, though her inclination seems to be for cures, while I dabble in poisons and curses… I guess if I could overlook her blatantly childish optimism and overeager attitude, we might find common found in comparing notes. She already has lent me a book, no less than an hour after first meeting me. It’s on the shifting nature of divine magic, authored by her future tutor. Talsin refrained from commenting, but I’m sure they do not approve. Still, this girl met me for mere minutes, and saw right through me.

Her eyes are blue like the midnight skies. Her name is Oisk.

* * *


	35. Avas Divinitum (p.51)

* * *

Avas Larthurium

-> Sole tree

Headaches, muscle cramps, fatigue, migraines, as a tea

Avas Austerium

-> Pike tree

No known medical benefits, but good for luring fauns when hunting (smoaked)

Avas Divinitum

-> Mug worm, pathos tree, Hecca

Used by druids as a hallucinogenic to enter a meditative state, apparently allows you to commune with a god of your choosing… If ever the Full Moon cannot wait.

* * *


	36. Goats and Good Fortune (p.52)

* * *

42nd Quarter Moon Rising – Year of the disgraceful

Talsin, Tor and I have dallied in Talos for quite some time now. We’ve catalogued all the plants, gone to all the outer villages, and seen any young men of vague noble lineage. I even saw a cliff goat the other day. According to the lord, it’s an omen of great success to come. I’ll put all the fates on my side…

Oisk left a few days after our initial meeting. We didn’t get a chance to speak much, but the book has proven to be more than any conversation could yield. She has annotated it. I feel as though I am peering into her very mind.

We have overstayed our welcome. I don’t know where we’ll go next.

* * *

Omen of good fortune… hopefully

* * *


	37. The Eye of Talona (p.53-54)

* * *

THE EYE OF TALONA

* * *

59th Quarter Sun Rising – Year of the Disgraceful

Unfidash it seems was our next destination. Another horrid boat trip and we landed in the most impressive illusion spell I’ve ever seen. I guess I must accustom myself to the level of magic gods can wield, rather than the few measly spells I’d learned from Father’s books.

Gods, I reread some of my first entries… I thought I was so smart, making a witch light… Now I could kill a man without blinking and I am… Almost disgusted at how power hungry I behaved. It seems Talsin’s lessons are sinking in.

Speaking of Talsin, they offered me a deck of Tarot cards they found in the markets of Unfidash. Apparently a wise divination wizard played them out of a few gold. It’s supposed to be enchanted… Considering the first card I drew, I’m tempted to believe it. Even when I run as far as I can, she’s always there watching me… At least they depicted her as a swamp hag befitting of Atzar…. Childish of me, but I’ve been left to scarp satisfaction from the darkest of corners. For example, I think we found a new species of mushroom. Talsin’s going to let me name it! Magheda? No…

* * *


	38. The Nature of Man (p.55-56)

* * *

27th Full Sun Year of the Ignominious

That is the second time I’ve changed the year name in this grimoire. So many days… I won’t count, the number will only sicken me. Numbers… Always numbers… Unfidash has been most hospitable. By boat it’s rather close to Talona so I’m surprised Father hadn’t scheduled it higher in my list of lordships to visit. However, I guess the lack of available youths to impregnate me makes it below the worth of my notice. Mayhaps that is why I’ve enjoyed my time here so much. The Lord is a kind old man who cheerily took to teaching me illusions. Though my powers are now strengthened in some aspect by Talona, my skills in divination and illusion rests solely on my Father’s lineage, which is mostly due to half decent study habits.

Talsin had been able to take a much-merited break while the Lord entertains my queries. I spend most days at his library or the markets where the witch trade in fates. I’ve learned a lot, but every time I start asking about the divine everyone clamps up tighter than the dreadful mollusk they made us eat in Talos. My only lead is the book of the famous wizard Oisk lent me. Her notes are particularly industrious, I’m rather impressed. In fact, I showed Talsin, and they were taken aback. The girl clearly has a talent for cures and medicine. Perhaps her skill might even go beyond mine. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I haven’t shown Talsin anymore of her notes. She lent the book to me specifically, anyway.

I’ve actually thought to write her, I had a few questions about a hypothesis she wrote in the margins. She pens: “if the nature of man belongs to the gods, how is it it remains unchanged now that they have fallen. Moreover, what awaits them back in the celestial plane apart from retribution? What is so terrible about living among your creations?” I don’t think she’s had a chance to meet a god, clearly. I feel I might have an interesting insight on that. Anyway, I’ve written her father, the Lord of Talos, in hopes of obtaining her whereabouts. Talsin said not to get my hopes up, that her mentor is one of reputable secrecy. I don’t quite see the point of hiding when everything and everyone is out here. I think I would shrivel up if I had to stay in Atzar.

* * *


	39. As Long as the People Wish It (p.57)

* * *

43rd Full Sun – Year of the Ignominious

My poor drawing skills do not lend themselves well to replication of the charts and diagrams. Not to mention I had to hastily scribble this one down as I was leaving the library to attend the Lord’s re-election. Unfidash has been ever so welcoming, and seeing as Father is once again leaving me in the dark about Lordship affairs I elected to remain here as long as possible. Preferably until I had read the entirety of the Lord’s library collection. As is, that might not be possible. This Lordship apparently runs according to a democratic system, where a lord is elected and holds power for a sanctioned period of time… The nice old fellow who’s been teaching me illusions is only a Lord so long as the people wish it. He is apparently challenged today which is to say another has step forth for the claim. The people came from all over Leira to vote, and now they count, and we shall know the results in the morning. I fear the new lord may not be so hospitable… If. If, of course. I wonder if democracy would work in Talona.

* * *


	40. All That's Left is Bones (p.58)

* * *

7th Quarter Sun Setting – Year of the Ignominious

We’ve been quietly asked to leave Unfidash, though perhaps not in so many words. The Lord, the new Lord that is, simply does not seem to care for my presence. I have half a mind to invoke inner-Lordship diplomacy, but he knows as well as I that I have no leg to stand on. I’ve been hiding here. From my Father. From my future. I asked Talsin what was next, which Lordship was next. But they only stared me down, rather pitifully, and told me that was it. We’re to return to Atzar. I’m not so much a fool not to see how relieved Talsin is to return. To their roots. What do I have? Who do I have? I could invoke my right. Order us to continue to Mask, to the libraries so I may forget myself in the pages. But I look at Talsin, and all I can hear is the rush of a waterfall.

How much must I destroy, until all that is left is bones?

* * *


	41. (p.59)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will transcribe as time allows ~


	42. (p.60)




	43. (p.61)




	44. (p.62)




	45. (p.63)




	46. (p.64)




	47. (p.65)




	48. (p.66)




	49. (p.67)




	50. (p.68)




	51. (p.69)




	52. (p.70)




	53. (p.71-72)




	54. (p.73)




	55. (p.74)




	56. (p.75)




	57. (p.76)




	58. (p.77-78)




	59. (p.79)




	60. (p.80)




	61. (p.81)




	62. (p.82)




	63. (p.83)




	64. (p.84)




	65. (p.85)




	66. (p.86)




	67. (p.87-88)




	68. (p.89)




	69. (p.90)




End file.
